Susan Byars

I remember a few years ago when I was worshiping in a church where people felt free to worship fully, uninhibited. I thought it was neat that they could not only raise their hands but dance or march around with banners. I preferred to hold my hands neatly behind me and watch others as I sang the words. I closed my eyes and sang the words to Jesus and distinctly heard Him speak to my heart to raise my hands to Him. Immediately I started sweating and feeling anxious at the very thought of it. My answer was, "No". We started this conversation. He asked me if I really loved Him. "Yes". Are you ashamed to show your love for me? "No, I mean yes, I must be if I can't even do one small thing like raise my hands. Don't ask this of me. I can sing without raising my hands. I don't have to copy everyone else." Don't they look happy? Are you happy with yourself when you tell me no? I won't stop loving you if you tell me no but I think you're missing out on just how much I do love you. "I'll try." So, I pried my hands loose and barely raised 1 while gripping the chair in front of me with the other. It wasn't too bad. I started relaxing and before long was smiling. Amazing. How did He do that? Pour love into me until I felt overflowing. Not long afterwards at the same church, at a women's conference with Rita Springer doing praise music, she said, "Lord I want more of You." It was like a prayer. What? I can ask that? I can ask You to give me more of Yourself? Then the conversation started. "That means You'll ask more of me, right? I'm not too sure about this." I didn't have to think about it too long. I decided that more of Him was better than more of me. So I took the plunge and asked Him to give me more. More of Jesus. A new journey began. There's no going back to my old ways. Old verses took on new meaning like, "I am the Way the Truth and the Life", "Seek and you will find". Old songs made sense like, "Trust and obey for there's no other way." He's never lacking in new ways to show Himself. I still hold back but not as much because every time I've said "Yes" He does something more amazing in little ole afraid someone will see me me. The best part is I'm learning to say, "Take over" and have confidence that He does just that—moving me out of the way of what He wants done. I'll give an example. At work we had a seminar planned that would benefit anyone who serves the poor. My boss has been trying for years to get me to do some public announcement things and I declined. I have given God permission to stretch me out of my comfort zone this year and He is having a blast with it—never giving enough lead time to allow me to talk myself out of it. When we were asked to be interviewed on TBN for a taped program, I finally said, "Yes". I asked Him to "Take over" and He did! Next was a live radio interview. He took over again—my panic ceased and words came out of my mouth that made sense. The clincher this past Tuesday was when we were invited to be on live T.V. for a little newsy spot and it was in 2 hours. I felt that "nudge" from the Holy Spirit and knew I'd be disobedient if I said no. My sweet Jesus had this mischievous look on His face and was holding back from laughing because He knew it was a streeetttch bigger that I'd bargained for. But, I just smiled back and said with confidence, "Take over". It went fine. Amazing. Now, I must explain I never could have done it if it weren't for the years of "abiding"-- of sitting in His lap crying or even of running away knowing He wouldn't let me get too far before I'd miss him too much and run back. He's the only One who can take someone with "2 left feet", like me, and waltz. He's proved Himself to me. Above and beyond. He's there for me. Sometimes I ask things of Him. Sometimes He asks things of me. I'm not to the point where I can say, "The yoke is easy". But, I know the struggle to have my own way is just too exhausting and frustrating.