Susan Byars, later

Please excuse my last entry. The sharing time at Carol's was wonderful and motivated me to catch up reading the book. Each chapter was an "Amen", "Yes", "That's it exactly" which encouraged me as "finally getting it". I've had a pretty peaceful week putting concepts into practice. I love the hammock illustration and was about to comment to Joan when my own hammock started spinning. It took a few moments to apply the scene in my head to the real life spin but, thankfully, it worked: Jesus is in the cocoon with me and when He starts laughing I get over being angry (disappointed, hurt, afraid, etc.). Then it stops spinning and He just steps out of it without a bit of trouble and looks down at me, hands on hips, and doesn't say a word but has this look on His face that says, "Lighten up, Susan. I've got it handled." So, I remembered that I was abiding in Christ at the moment, which didn't allow for petty irritation with my husband just because he'd interrupted me. The prayer in chapter 15 is frequent, "Father, I have sinned; and yet I come--though I blush to say it--as one who is in Christ." I've got so many bad habits to break even the one where I judge myself to see if I'm making any progress abiding in Christ. But I don't have to strive to do that, just rest in knowing that He will remold me in His own way and if its a painful process that's ok too because it means we'll be that much closer.
This is a good journey. I'm learning so much, have experienced peace as I learn to let go of things that used to bother me. It makes me realize how self-focused I am and how Christ-centered or other-centered I need to be. The relief is that it is the job of the husbandman to care for me and get the graft to take.